Monday, July 20, 2015

My Eyes are on a New Prize

Writing is a passion of mine, not a hobby. A lot of very talented creative people have been pushed up against this brick wall of a label. They've broken through it, and I hope I don't have to keep waiting on the other side saying someday I'll break through too.

But when you look at my life at this moment, you can see how I still have not turned a passion into a sustainable career. I do understand why everyone is telling me that it's still just a hobby. I'm beginning to hate that word.

For the past seven years, I have written anything and everything under the sun for a few bucks: ad copy, social media posts, articles, blog posts. The list goes on. At least three of those years were what I would consider successful. I only had to work about five hours/seven days a week for a good paycheck. That left plenty of time to pursue my own projects. But the lean years have settled in and without changing careers completely, the path seems to stop at my feet.

I've said it before and I'll repeat it now: I will work any job to make my rent. I don't mind doing that at all. What I do mind is having to do that in a place that completely void of creative or innovative people. These concepts only flourish in places where people strive to be different, not the same. I reside in a cookie-cutter world right now. It's not the right atmosphere to work in. Relocation has always been the priority in my life, though I cannot point to a single concrete step I have taken to put it into action because I use money and fear as excuses. That ends today. 

So, I turn back to my writing. I know I have a lot already on my long list of writing projects, but I just couldn't get an idea out of my head for one of my favorite TV shows. So I started writing a script. Yes, I know that it has a pretty good shot of never seeing the light of day, but I'm at the point in my life where I can't let the idea that hope only hurts get in my way. I don't want to continue to feed this fear of success that I seem to have. So I'm going to do what I can to see this through no matter the outcome. And if I knew how to break into TV writing, I certainly would be at a different place in my life right now. But if I don't try now, when? I have nothing left to lose here.

I know how L.A. works. It's all schmoozing and networking. Two things I'm horrible at. And if you aren't located there, it's even harder to network digitally because online messages are easily ignored. It can be done, but the hill is a little steeper. The reward? Validation that I have the talent it takes to write and a paycheck to go along with it.

Thinking about all of this causes a lot of stress and anxiety. I still don't know if I have too many choices or too few. But I can either let this situation stop me from becoming exactly who I know I am, or I can grovel at the feet of the writing Powers that Be until my foot is firmly in the door.

I choose option #2.

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