The Resurrection of the Novella

As promised, I come bearing the July's plans for writing. I know that there are plenty of avenues I could choose from, but I wanted to make sure I put my effort towards something that could get out relatively fast, draft to final version. That's why I'm turning my attention back to novellas. I have two distinct novella projects that are still in the first-draft-of-a-first-title-in-the-series stage. I want to push at least one forward, but hopefully I will have the determination to get both of them chugging along once again.

If you haven't been hanging out here for a awhile, I'll refresh your memory about the two series. The first series I started was a sweet romance novella series that has a mostly revolving cast of characters because the series is based around a specific place, rather than a bunch of the same characters.

The second novella series started as a single story, but since it takes place over the span of anywhere between 20-40 years, breaking it up into smaller bites seems to be the way to go. This series does revolve around a family (and close friends) following their trials and tribulations.

I'll have to be very strict with my schedule, but I'm sure I can bring something out of the first draft stage by the end of the month. Stay tuned!

The Time We Live In

The world feels upside down right now--that's why the normal, everyday things don't seem important or enough anymore. Do I really think that little updates on my writing is the best thing to be doing right now? Probably not. That's why I've been silent. When it comes to the voices that need to be heard right now, it's not mine. It is my time to listen, and that's what I will continue doing. I will be back with updates soon, but for now, I'm doing what I can to amplify those who need to be heard and taking on the tasks that I can, which included voting in my state's primary on Tuesday. It's not enough, I know, but it's what I've got.

News and Notes from the Writing Desk: What Day Is It Again? Edition

I'm right here in my usual chair, typing on my usual laptop, trying to not scream in frustration when another person/group/company spouts some version of "We're all in this together." Dude, I get it, but that phrase is like nails on a chalkboard now.

Moving on...

Failed Attempts

I've been trying to maintain my schedule throughout all this, even though everyone else's schedules have suddenly be thrown up in the air. However, more and more of my work time is spent on the creative than the conventional (which may turn out to be a good thing in the long run). I was going to jump into an informative article with a fast turnaround about funds and grants for writers during this time, just to try my hand at a more journalistic approach and feel like I'm being somewhat helpful. However, there were problems.

I didn't end up writing the article because I couldn't find funds and grants for writers that were attainable, using my professional writing situation as a prime example of a common applicant. While I know I'm not at the top tier of freelancing, but I have enough experience to not be considered a beginner--which should be the wheelhouse of the applicants for these programs.

I looked at places like Patreon and Freelancers Union first, which are both touting emergency grants. I looked at the application for Patreon, and it was geared more towards creatives that had suddenly lost gigs, rather than someone who may have lost work, but it may not have been in their most creative space. So it wasn't really a great fit for a writer.

I also checked out the Freelancers Union fund that is awarding $1000 grants to freelancers suddenly out of work. This application also has some fatal flaws for someone who primarily ghostwrites, like myself. The application asks for proof of lost income, which can include canceled contracts or communications between the creative and the client. The catch for a lot of creatives? Many of us have NDAs, and so the choice comes down to potentially violating an NDA by submitting this kind of documentation or passing on this opportunity to get a grant.

After this, I went through a long list of emergency grants for writers that I found through a Twitter thread. Most of these were geared toward the common fiction/non-fiction writer, but highly unattainable. There was one application where you had to have published a book through a traditional publisher AND have published at least five short pieces in what the organization considered "highly reputable publications" to access just $500. Now I know full-time writers don't make a lot of money from writing alone, but you would think someone who meets these requirements would probably not need the grant because they have enough writerly street cred to have other income streams.

I kept going through the list, but once I found a grant application that actually asked for an application fee, I was done. There was no longer a positive, helpful article in me. The only advice I have for writers now? Better hope the government comes through with their promises.

The Positives

While I may have slightly abandoned what I wanted to work on for my Camp NaNo project, I have been working hard to get pieces done for my April poetry prompts. You can find my prompts on Patreon (free to access), and you can find my finished pieces on Medium. I also have a huge list of potential publications to submit to, so I need to get on that, because publication isn't stopping for the most part.

I have to spend this week going back through my list of fiction to-dos because I want to have a plan for May and, if I'm being ambitious, the rest of the year. I know my plans always get thrown to the side if the tiniest thing comes up, but I like to have a plan to refer to, even if everything else is chaos. So now I'm going to go schedule out some of the chaos and see what I can get done this week.

Notice Me: Phase 1

I promised that I would use February for this task, but I'm already dreading it. As a lifelong introvert, I don't like talking about myself. I don't like to brag, and without that urge to make my accomplishments known to the world, imposter syndrome sometimes settles into those quiet spaces.

But I'm fighting the urge to hide with all I've got. I started this morning by looking through vast lists of free/bargain email lists. There are quite a few out there that are really affordable (under $25 for a listing), and some sites even have a free option. The problem? Even the sites that seem to take almost anything still don't list poetry as a  specific category when filling out the submission form. I know that I can always sneak it in through others like literary fiction or women's fiction, but I don't like doing that when I don't have to. I've never been rejected before when listing in an alternate category, but there's a first for everything.

The hitch with the "free" offerings on some of these sites is that they are provided by a lottery system, which means you aren't guaranteed a spot. That's okay--filling out all of the forms for the chance at a free promo is totally worth it.

This week's challenge? Increased views on Medium. Let's do this.

Leaving the Past, Embracing the Future

Things are changing in a big way, and that means there's a bit of nervous electricity in the air. I've already had a mini outburst on social media about this, but here's the deal: a company I have worked for since 2009 is making huge changes, and not the good kind.

Textbroker has been one of my income streams since the beginning. It is what we in the business like to refer to as a content mill--clients who often put keyword stuffing over quality and relatively low pay for writers. There are sometimes huge globally-recognized brands, sure, but you always question why they would come to a website like this in the first place when they could just as easily put together an in-house team.

At the beginning, it was responsible for at least half of my monthly earnings. This has ebbed and flowed over the past ten years, but it was always a place to go when I had no other work to do on a particular day. While all of the other content mills have faded into obscurity or have been replaced by bidding sites (which aren't much better), Textbroker has lasted. Until now.

The company sent an email stating they were changing their payment processing from PayPal to Payoneer. Looking on the website's author forum, many had never heard of Payoneer before. Neither had I. Everything I've researched says that I shouldn't make the switch, especially not just for one company. Since I've had to deal with issues of compromised personal information (big sarcastic thanks to TurboTax, Target, Yahoo, and Equifax, among many others) I'm not in any way comfortable giving personal and financial information to this company.

It's not just the switch--it's the reason for the switch. Textbroker wants to try and prevent writers outside of the U.S. from signing up, and apparently, this payment processor will help with that. Really? This is a big deal because the website promotes only U.S. writers will be working on tasks, even though they have a worldwide client base. Switching to Payoneer does one thing and one thing only--gives foreign clients a better way to pay. Just do a quick Twitter search for Payoneer on Twitter. Most of the tweets singing its praises are in another language. A deep dive into researching shows that Payoneer is also a preferred payment method for international scammers. There are no official stats on this, but come on. It's pretty obvious. Textbroker claims that it is impossible to offer multiple payment options for writers. This, my friends, is a lie. I've been freelancing for over a decade--most websites and companies I have worked for offer multiple payout options.

The sad thing? Some writers on the site want the switch because they hate PayPal. I have never once had an issue with PayPal, so I don't see a reason I should have to change. I sincerely hope it does work out for everyone that makes the switch to Payoneer, but I won't be joining them in 2020.

I keep thinking about that moment where I will have to choose whether to push that "Close Account" button or not. I could sit around and hope they will bring PayPal back, but what I really need to do is leave the past behind. It was a great run, but Textbroker no longer serves my goals and ambitions in a lot of ways.  I don't know what is going to come next without this to fall back on, but what I do know is that I can't let the frustration of it all hold me back. This isn't the first time I've tried to leave Textbroker only to be lured back in, but it will be the last. 2020 is going to be an amazing year for me, so I won't spend another moment worrying about whether I made the right decision.

So long, Textbroker. It's been a wild ride.

September's Here

It's September. I'm back! I didn't go anywhere, but I thought I would take a few weeks away from the blog to do a bit of a reset, and to get my plans together for the near future. There are a lot of exciting things on the horizon, and I hope I have the right steps to get there.

Hanging Out on Medium

I've been trying to ramp up my presence on Medium. While so far all of it has been reposts of older works or excerpts of longer projects, I am getting ready to start producing more original content for my account. I'm still in the editing phase for what I've written, so more should be posted in the next couple of weeks.

My only issue with the platform is that I can't access all of the data that I need to. I can get data points such as views, referring websites, reads (and how a ten-line poem only gets a 33% read rate is beyond me...)--but I can't get data that helps me understand who pays for a Medium account. I have yet to make a dime from this site, and if I knew the demographics of who pays for their accounts, I think I would be in a better position to craft articles that target a better defined audience. It seems to me that a lot of articles making money in the space where I write is the writer who writes about writing. It's a bit redundant, but I think I can work with that.

Two Down, Two to Go

It's also the time to check in with my yearly goal of getting four works published by the end of the year. So far, I have If It Was New York, Summer 2009 and "A Picture at Sunset" published in Indiana's Best Emerging Poets 2019. I still have to get two more out there. September is usually when the last round of submissions go out, so hopefully I'll get an acceptance before December 31. If not, two original pieces published on Medium shouldn't be that hard to complete.

One Set of Research, Two Stories

I loved researching all things pop culture for that story I was writing set in 1970. The problem? My research led down another path for another story. I'm not abandoning the first story, but I had to see where this second on went. The first story is a lot of teenage angst/confusion/drama condensed into a few months for the main characters. The second one starts in the same era, but spans decades for the main characters. It seems like a daunting task to create a story that will probably have huge time gaps without seeming like it skips a lot, but I think that sharing the research between these two stories will eventually end up making writing both stories a little more efficient.

The Great Website Debate

This blog can get frustrating at times, with a lot of that frustration due to limitations of Blogger. I like that there is the ability to add the other pages, but updating them is quite a feat to get it to look right. I also don't like running multiple blogs on this platform, and I think that merging TSW and Book Review Bin is long overdue, especially since this change may get me more Fiverr spotlight gigs again.

I've always thought about transferring the blog to an actual website, but I don't know if I am ready yet to take on that kind of task. That, and there is always the debate about the cost vs. the effort spent. It wouldn't take much to buy a domain name, but the ability for any money spent to turn into a profit is always on my mind. I don't know if transferring this to a website would give me the ability to break even on domain/hosting costs, which is what I'm looking for before I get started.

And this wasn't the only website I was planning. I've been working on an idea for more than two years now that's associated with books and reading, but like transferring the blog I would need to find a way to make the website profitable. I know that I couldn't create all of the content on my own, and I definitely don't want to be an exposure-only outlet for other writers. This project is stalled until I can find a way to make it profitable enough to pay contributors. This is the time when I wish we could all go back in time and hit up the Social Register to find bored, rich benefactors to fund our work.

I'm still planning and planning. I even tried to make an editorial calendar for content last year, but I never actually got it off the ground. Eventually I will have to execute some part of this idea, or I'm just wasting my time.

Your Call to Action

I can't leave this post without a blatant self-promo section. If you want more of what I offer, Patreon is a good place to start. And don't forget to check out my work on Medium. I'll be back next week with another rousing account from the writing world!

When in Doubt, Make a List

The project that's going to be my main focus for March is still unknown. I didn't know how to choose from so many things that are lingering on my desktop, so I decided that making a list would help. I put restrictions on myself--I could only list projects that I could think of off of the top of my head. If I can't remember it, it couldn't be that important, right?

Here's the list:

Seems like I have a pretty good memory, because there are more than 20 projects, ranging from finished but needed to be submitted to half of an outline. I still don't know what to choose, because nothing is standing out, nothing seems clearly commercial, so I won't be choosing based on the tens of dollars of royalties I may generate.

What I'm going to do is give this list a good hard look over the weekend and see which one will come out on top.

This Week's Odds and Ends

Being sick is tough. I know, I know--you're saying, "But you work from home! You get the best of both worlds!"

Okay.

Sure.

Not really.

While I may still be able to get some work done (if I have the energy to walk the five feet from my bed to my desk), I don't get sick pay. I don't get to get away from my workspace. And the whole all-day PJ thing? I wear those everyday anyway (we call them lounge pants here, not PJs). So anyway, I'm better now, which means I have a TON of stuff to catch up on.

And Then There's the Bad News...

So, as my illness was giving me one more swift kick before it left, I get an email. Kindle Scout is shutting down, effective today for new projects. Way to give us a heads up, Amazon. This is reminiscent of when Write On closed down. There's no real explanation, there's not much anyone who used the service can do. I'm assuming Amazon was simply tired of wasting time and money on something that maybe gave them ten books a year to publish. What I'm wondering now is whether their imprints (Montlake Romance, Thomas & Mercer, 47North, Topple, etc.) will ramp up the number of submissions they consider--I'm guessing that's going to be a big fat NO. 

One little bright spot in all of this--I no longer have to agonize about which manuscript I wanted to submit to Kindle Scout. I'm not sure why the publishing industry (notably Amazon's giant footprint in the industry) seems to be closing in on indie authors and working to shut them out, but I'm sure most of us will still survive. 

Off to Camp

Camp NaNoWriMo is in full swing. I've been working on my project, but of course I keep forgetting update my word count on the site, so it looks like I'm slacking off. I know that I can hit my goal of 25k before the end of the month, so I'm not worried. If I could get a full 50k out of it, I'd be jumping for joy. 


Oh, and if you're interested (and haven't read it yet), you can download Unfolding Life for free during the month of April to help celebrate National Poetry Month. Happy reading!

Getting Hired: What is a Freelance Writer?

This is the first installment of a series of posts for those looking to start a career as a freelance writer. For more posts in this series, please check out the Getting Hired as a Freelance Writer tab. 

What is a freelance writer?

This should be an easy question to answer, but for some, it's not. Do you have to write novels to be considered a writer? Do you have to be earning a good living to be a writer? Does a notable list of clients make you a writer?

The truth is the only thing that makes you a writer is that you write. Maybe not every day, but you write. And you find some joy in the writing process. Maybe it's a diary that no one in the world will ever see. Maybe you write epic poems and burn them in the fireplace once they are complete. I don't care what you write—you are a writer.

And when you add freelancing to the word writer, you are saying you want to earn a living from something you love doing. This is a concept we are all taught—do what you love! But as most of us figured out when adulthood smacked us in the face for the first time, it's not always the easiest choice. Sometimes you feel like you don't have a choice to work at doing something you love. All of those disgruntled miserable people who couldn't find their own happiness will tell you to keep it as a cute hobby, but you'll never make a dime from it. They are dream squashers. Avoid those wretches at all costs.

But enough unqualified psych-talk. Want to be a freelance writer? Tell someone you are a freelance writer. Go ahead. I'll wait.

…

Did you tell them? How did they react? Let me guess—they didn't know exactly what that meant. They equated it to artistic endeavors (which for most people that looks like: artistic = poor) such as acting or being an artist. Or they said, "That's cool. Can I pick your brain?"

WARNING: Some people you know will try to get you to do work for free. They will not appreciate the fact that you have skills worthy to meet a basic standard of living—but we will cover that topic in another post.

Again, their reactions don't matter. You want to be a freelance writer? —POOF!— you are a freelance writer. Give yourself permission to seek out all that comes with the territory. It's not easy, and not every part of it is fun, but as long as there is still a spark every time you sit down to write, you've found something you love to do.

Congrats—a lot of people never get that far.

The Rush

The cinematic quality of my brain can be hit and miss sometimes. When I came up with the idea for the script I'm writing as part of my application for a fellowship, it was definitely a hit. I saw all of the details, every piece of dialogue. I had been mulling this around in my brain for months because when I first heard about the fellowship, it was only two weeks before the last deadline, so I wasn't going to rush something that clearly needed more care than that. I thought I had it all and that it would be easy to just get it down on paper. Things are never that easy.

I'm falling into a couple of writing traps that all my work, no matter what genre or format, seems to suffer from in the draft stage. The first is the rush to get the words down. I'm so anxious to get it down that some serious details get skipped over. I try to follow the rule of drafting that says you just sit and write, you don't go back and change things until you get to the end.

That leads into the second major trap--underwriting. I know many writers have the problem of overwriting--they just can't seem to stop with every little detail or aren't able to find the right place to stop the story. I get to the end and find that I only have two-thirds of what I need for a standard novel/short story/script.

I guess I'm not trying to change these issues themselves, but to be okay with them and base any and all future revision sessions on the idea that it will always be this way. It's just the way I write, and it's not a bad way. It may get frustrating at times, but it's always produced something I could be proud of in the end, so I guess it's working.

Does your writing ever give you that sense of frustration?

Communication Conundrum or Just Plain Obstinance?

I know that talking about my freelance work is like walking a tight rope--I could make it harder for myself to find the right clients to work with. However, there's an imposing gap in communication, especially when it comes to my most popular Fiverr gig. I'm putting the blame and responsibility on me--I need to find a better way to communicate exactly what I offer and what I don't.

What I Do and What I Don't Do

My book spotlight has brought in consistent work since I posted it. It's not a life-changing amount of work, but I'm glad I have it. The problem I'm having is that so many people think that it's a book review. It's not. It is a marketing tool used to help promote a book. I do not read the book. I do not need a copy of the book to write up the blog post. It's simply an affordable way for writers to reach a wider audience. It's not a book review. And that's because...

I Won't Risk My Livelihood for You

No. I won't do it. Fiverr, Amazon (and by extension Goodreads) have all banned paid book reviews. BANNED. A big no-no. I'm sure other platforms have similar rules and regulations. What does this really mean? That means if I'm found to have taken money for a book review, the least they could do is pull down that review. The most they could do is ban me from one or all of these platforms. That wouldn't just take away my Fiverr gigs--that would also take away my ability to publish my own work and market that work in the future. I would also like to point out that while clients think they are paying me at least $5 per gig, I'm only taking in $3.92 per $5 gig because I'm hit with multiple fees each time I complete work. Would you risk your job and your entire livelihood to earn $3.92 from me? Didn't think so.

I get that there are a few loopholes to these restrictions, some of which I take advantage of--like being able to get free books in exchange for reviews. And yes, while getting a hardcover with a MSRP of $26.00 or more does seem like being paid, it's still allowed on Amazon and Goodreads with proper disclosure. But this cannot happen through my gig. I would love to be able to take a position with a respected publication to do book reviews and get paid for it. These jobs are few and far between, plus you have to have a wide publishing/journalism/writing network to even hear about them before they are snatched up. I'm still working on that whole networking thing.

I Don't Want to Be One of Those People...

Introverts don't want to be the center of attention. They don't really want to be noticed by too many people. This feeling can carry over into online communication very easily. The quickest way to communicate that a book spotlight isn't a book review is to put it out there in big, bold online yelling: I DO NOT WRITE PAID BOOK REVIEWS. I feel this is too in-your-face, and on the rare occasion I'm on the other side of this needing to work with someone, this immediately signals to me that they are already defensive and would be difficult to work with. So I don't do that. I'd rather be the person in the room that has all the answers but no one listens to than the loudest and most obnoxious.

Then again, maybe I should because a lot of people just aren't listening. This doesn't just waste my time--it impacts my Fiverr ratings and my potential to be promoted. I had a cancelled order a few months ago because someone bought a book spotlight gig and told me to write a five-star review (yes, they specifically requested five stars) for a cab company in Arizona--clearly not the parameters of a gig that promotes books and writing contests. Cancelled orders are bad for sellers, so thanks for that.

Also, once Fiverr switched to rating sellers on a monthly basis, I've conveniently gotten just enough spam messages to ruin my response rate (by the way, Fiverr sellers out there: IMMEDIATELY report and delete spam otherwise you'll wind up like me, which I didn't know until I dug into all the terms of service). This demoted me as a level one seller and now I have to meet the new requirements to get it back, including $400 in lifetime earnings instead of the old $50 in lifetime earnings. This is going to take awhile.

From now on, accurate communication is my top priority. If I have to spend hours rewriting my gig description so that everyone gets the gist, I will. I have all the marketing skills I need. Now I just need to activate those superpowers and save the world--or at least save my sanity.

All Those Revisions

It may not seem like good news, but I've ran out of things to submit. I've been able to put my best stuff out there to see if anyone wants to pick it up, but the rest of it needs work. I'm still continuing to research lit journals and publishers, but for now I'm going to concentrate on revisions. Hard revisions. I'm like most writers--I love the craziness of the first draft, I'm impressed with myself on the final draft, but the middle is a wild mess of paper cuts, nail biting, procrastination and internal screaming. You know, the usual.

If you want to join me on this crazy ride, you can still come by Patreon and check out what I have there. Just a buck gets you access to some pretty cool stuff. A few more bucks gets you access to a few more cool things. And of course you can check out all of the public posts too--those are a more subtle type of cool.  Sunglasses emoji cool. We know we're cool but we'd never say it kind of cool. Like a type of cool that just... okay. You get the point.

On the freelancing front, I'm ramping up my qualifications. It was suggested a few weeks ago that I get my HubSpot Inbound Marketing Certification. This is apparently something a lot of clients are looking for now when they hire freelancers (especially for writing branded blog posts). I've jumped in and am learning about a lot of things I already figured out over the past ten years, but now I'll be able to prove that I know it.

Before this I was also working on certification from Google, and honestly I don't know what the specific certification is called, though it seems to be geared towards European business owners. Still--very useful information, and certifications don't hurt to have on the old LinkedIn profile.

December Is Here!

The best part about it being December 1st? NaNoWriMo is officially over. At 24,755 words I didn't even hit half of the goal, but it's 24,755 words more than I had thirty days ago, so it's still a win in my little writer heart. The rest of 2017 will be dedicated to getting Melody's Valentine ready for publication in January, but you can be a part of what I'm going to work on in 2018. Become a Patron by December 15th and you can vote for what project I tackle next.

I also woke up to a rejection letter. Not fun, but not anything that's unusual. It will make me rethink about submitting to west coast-based publications for awhile, though. When I submit to Midwest or east coast publications, the rejection letters usually arrive between noon and 6pm. West coast publications like to give me something to wake up to. At least I'm at the point in my career where this little anomaly makes me chuckle. Five years ago I would have went all Betty-Draper-on-her-fainting-couch for a day.

And it did get me thinking about where to submit to next. 2018 is probably going to be the year of Go Big or Go Home, so I'm aiming high. The literary elite won't see me coming!

Nanowrimo Prep

I still don't have the project picked out for NaNo this year (eek!), but I have a few options I'm considering. I do, however, have the most important part finished: getting ready to put my daily word count into my new planner. And yes, that word count is under the MY SOCIAL LIFE column. Because all writers give up their social lives in November for the love of writing, right?

September Updates

I am working hard on a number of projects. I'm sure I need to be telling myself it's crunch time, but for what? Perks of being my own boss, I guess. I treat my employees like superstars. ;-)

Like any good writer, I'm also looking to diversify my business and take full advantage of my skills. Along with the current gig I have on Fiverr, I'll be adding another one soon to help with editing blog posts. That, and I'm looking to take the first step in making my presence uber-professional, so I need to complete enough gigs to pay for that logo I've been wanting. I'm also embarking on a way to focus more on my fiction work (hint: rhymes with Smatreon), but you'll be hearing more about that in the coming weeks.

I know you're wondering about the writing. It's going as well as it can be. I have poetry ready to go for submission on Friday, MoL #3 is still coming along, and I'm nearly finished with revisions on my latest short story, which I hope to be submitting somewhere by the end of the month. I've also been slowly finishing a first draft that's been taking forever, and since I've switched what project I want to try with Kindle Scout, there are more plans to be made and writing to be done.

What are you working on this week?

Ending Camp and Beginning Again

It's the last day of the month, so that means I only have to write 6412 words by midnight to meet my Camp NaNoWriMo goal.

Uh... since it's Monday (the busiest day of my week) and since it's more than 5k left to go, I doubt I will make it. This project isn't schedule to be released until January 2018, so I know I don't have to rush the process right now. I just have to get it all down on paper first.

The best thing I can do right now is keep it all in perspective. Not hitting 10,000 words in a month seems like I was slacking, but when I take the time to consider how many words a day I really write, it doesn't seem so bad. Combining paid freelancing gigs, blogging, book reviews and journaling, I probably write close to 5k per day before I start working on any of my other projects. If I had the luxury to do nothing but work on one single project for the whole month, I don't think it's out of this world to say I could write a full first draft every 30 days. But who has that luxury? I'm not sure any writer does.

And then comes August. I like to try and concentrate on a single project every month, and I'm leaning towards scripts again with a drama feature that I just need to finish revising. I'm still trying to get my pesky toes in those waters, but it's slow going. Stage 32 seems okay for networking, but without a completed project (other than short scripts I've done in the past), there's not really any momentum. But my drama would be cheap to produce, so let's see if I can network with the right person at the right time.

What are you working on in August?

Lessons on What Could Have Been

Sometimes you think when an opportunity presents itself, it's the universe telling you that you need to make a move, take a chance. I had that sort of moment two weeks ago when I found an ad for a press looking for chapbook manuscripts. Since I had just come off of a month of putting together a poetry manuscript, I thought I would make the most of it—pick out the best of the original to create a chapbook. And it seemed like a good, cohesive collection. I felt proud to have made it.

But I flaked. Over the past week I kept going, “oh, I'll submit it later tonight.” I convinced myself I had one more day, one more day, wait, just one more day—then I ran out of days. On the last day before the deadline, I decided to reread the submission call. It wanted stuff that was experimental, surreal. And I quickly decided that my poetry didn't fit within those parameters, and convinced myself it wouldn't be the right fit.

I should have submitted anyway. 

It wasn't the fear of rejection. I think I need a recent rejection under my belt to get me back in the swing of things. It was the fear that I may actually succeed. I thought about all that may entail, and I was worried about a lot of things. I have anxiety about sharing my work, which has really only developed over the past six months. I will let absolute strangers pour over my every written word, but there are maybe ten people on this earth that I don't want near my work—I don't want them to even know what I write. And it's the fear that this tiny group of people could get their hands on my work, could confront me about it, could potentially ridicule me that's done more that keep me from submitting my work. It's inhibited my ability to promote the stuff that's already out there for fear they may come across it. It's prevented me from completing as many posts on this blog as I would like. In my mind, the threat is circling and I feel like if I make the slightest move, everything could crumble. It's stupid, but it's hard to argue with anxiety because it's irrational. And you know it's irrational. But you buy into it just the same.

I used to freely be able to talk to people face-to-face about writing, even going as far as talking about projects I have in mind. I used to be able to immerse myself in new submissions. I've been putting together a list of publications for my own use, cobbled together from some of my monthly writer newsletters, and I'm starting to see some publications I've already submitted to. Then my mind wanders back to five, six years ago. That's when I wasn't afraid to submit my work to place far and wide. I wasn't afraid of the rejection. I also had the mindset that everything I sent out had a real potential of making it.

Obstacles to publishing don't phase me. It's just the irrational fear that's left. Even if no one wanted it, I could get work out there and take no pay. But I'm still convinced that the best of my work hasn't touched the light of day and still has earning potential. I can't give it all away just to prove something to my own anxiety. My anxiety doesn't really care. If I get over this obstacle my anxiety will just find something else to latch on to—it always does.

Each morning I get to start over. I get to face whatever hangups I seem to have, and I get to try and work towards a better situation where I don't have to feel as anxious about every little decision I make (or fail to make). If this post is published, it must mean that I've been able to conquer the first of many battles to get back to the full-fledged writing career I'm meant to have.

What's Left

It's the end of Camp NaNoWriMo and I have a poetry manuscript. It's certainly not complete. Some of the poems at the end haven't been edited, I haven't started putting them in order, and I didn't hit the page count I really wanted. But there's something there.

It's not what I expected. Don't get me wrong--I like what I've accomplished. I think I wrote some good pieces. The thing is, I understand the current trend in poetry. I know all the nuances of this particular style. I've read half a dozen authors who have been faithful to the trend. It consists a lot of focusing on the I, You, Me and We with an emphasis on removing all flowery language that often turns people away from poetry in the first place. It speaks like a conversation, and it ends with a full explanation. There's no way you come away from it without understanding the poet's intended meaning. It also mimics what a good haiku should be: focusing on the ordinary, but making it surprisingly extraordinary.

And none of this work fits that mold.

It made me want to chuck it all out the window, if only for a moment. I come from a background of being forced to read poets that made no sense, poets that seemed to have secret meanings behind every twist of phrase, dozens of super-archaic Shakespearean sonnets. That's what influences my work, and that means I have hidden meanings. I make obscure references. I play with metaphors and use all the colors in the crayon box. I'm in no way traditional, but there are hints of tradition in it. And that's not what the current market dictates. You would think a poet wouldn't concern themselves with market trends because poetry, overall, doesn't sell very well on its best day. But I've learned with both indie and traditional publishing, you're working with a ten percent effort on writing and a ninety percent effort on marketing if you want to be successful.

The issue I really have with the current trend is that the trend itself is being diluted with every new book that comes on the market. In my experience, Milk and Honey is the Holy Grail. It can do no wrong. It began the trend that you see. But those other poets, the ones who followed the trend? It doesn't quite hit the same notes when you read it. It doesn't contain the contemplative moments, and there's no sense of urgency when needed.

Because we live in a society where we can get whatever we want when we want, some of us don't want to put in the work to read poetry. Some of us don't want to have to work that hard to feel something. And this trend makes it easy to feel something without feeling stupid for not understand some deeper meaning. The meaning is on the surface, and it's not trying to hide behind anything. I don't write like that. The poets before me made me do the work, so I'm trying to hand down the same skill set to the next generation. I just don't think the next generation has the attention span for it.

I'll still polish it up and get it ready to send out into the world. It deserves that much.

April Bringing Showers... of Projects

If you haven't figured it out by now, I like to celebrate National Poetry Month every April. This year, I've decided to work on a poetry project--a manuscript for submission to a publisher (one of the few that still consider unsolicited work).

I thought this would mean skipping out on April's Camp NaNoWriMo, but they've implemented some pretty awesome changes, including letting you set your writing goal to word count, line count, page count or hours spent writing (I hope these options carry over into November's contest as well). So now I can use Camp NaNo to complete my manuscript within a month. To be honest, a lot of the work is written; it just needs edited and compiled to a full-length project.

Now that there are plans in place, I can't wait until April!

Wrestling with Longshots

Writing in 2017 has been interesting, but much of it feels the same. I'm still splitting my time between edits, revisions, writing fresh drafts and working on scripts (again). But what it feels like is working, working, working with no way off of the hamster wheel. This feeling keeps gnawing at me that I need to do some big, grand gesture in order to move my career along. I get this feeling every few months, but I have yet to figure out exactly what needs to be done.

I think this feeling is what's throwing me back into script writing. I still have a desire to submit something to Amazon Studios, but silly, always prepared me starting looking at the fine print again. The deal they offer isn't quite what it seems. It's a buyout--which means if they like it and they want it, they can not only block you out of any future script revisions or rewrites (which I expected), but they can also strip your name from the project. So, aside from money, what's in it for me? It puts me in a situation of bragging about getting something made, only to see that I can't prove to anyone I did it.

It's not just script writing either. I've come to the decision that I need to move beyond self publishing. I'm not giving it up entirely (I still have the third installment for Kindle Worlds to release), but I think the next new project that goes out into the world should be presented from a more traditional source. The publishing world isn't the same as it was twenty years ago. You have to have your feet planted in both sides of publishing to maximize visibility and income. Plus, you have to come up with a scheme for a weekly check. Some do podcasts, some sell useless How to Write courses, some super bloggers earn enough from advertising--I do freelancing right now, but there are so many options I feel like I'm not exploring hard enough (except for selling courses--most of them are worthless).

What does this all mean? It means I'm still going to practice drawing, even though I'd rather be writing comics than drawing them. It means I may throw myself into some other creative form if given the chance. It means I have to do what I do best--get creative to find the space I want to occupy. It'll probably cause a few brain freezes along the way (like the one I'm having right now), but maybe I'll be led in the right direction.