Written on July 2, 2007

Babysitting hasn’t been the big chore that everyone has made it out to be. Then again, I do have good help and a decently behaved child to look after. It’s being home that’s getting me. Its’ not really home, you know? I’ve grown out of calling my parents’ house home. It’s sad, but I’m over it.
The more and more I watch Lois and Clark, the weirder dreams I keep having. I won’t go into detail, but they are things that I do not want my subconscious thinking about. My conscious will never forgive it. But it’s good that I finished season 2, because I’m ready and raring to go when I can get my hands on seasons 3 and 4.
I’ve been seriously thinking about going to Japan. I don’t think anyone else that’s heard about it thinks I can do it. They think that I won’t adjust to the culture shock and that I’ll run home at the first sign of tears longing for home. I think I’ve grown out of that stage in my life. For the first two years of college, I got extremely homesick the first week of classes, but no one knew it. But it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks unless I’m actually given a job, and we all know my wonderful track record with job interviews. I still try to think positive though. Just because I’m nearly broke with no job and one more semester of college left doesn’t mean my spirits are broken. I’ll get by, just like everyone else, somehow.
My plan is to have a plan by the end of the year. It shouldn’t be too hard. I’m exploring options. What I really feel like doing is taking a year to cover the United States and see everything. Only thing is, the USA is not like Europe. There’s no backpacking in this country. Public transportation is very localized and I don’t think I would be able to get everywhere that I wanted to see. I’ll share a secret. My secret ambition is to travel the United States taking nature photographs. The downside is if I couldn’t sell them then I couldn’t eat—or get anywhere. See? Plans. All I need are a few solid plans. Any suggestions for a girl with no money, no car—just a dream of being a big time something-or-other?

I'm itching to get out of the Midwest. I can't stand being here anymore. This is the one time that I wish I has finished school in four years. It's true that I only have a semester left, but I don't think it will be an enjoyable experience. The last four years haven't really been. Well, like everything, college has had its moments. I'm just stuck at the place in my life where everyone seems to be going to somewhere, or they are completely content to stay where they are. I'm in the middle of the spectrum. I want to get out of here, but I don't know how. I thought about teaching English in Japan. I thought about moving to LA just to see if anything could happen. I've even contemplated doing the same, only in Chicago or New York. There are no real promises of a great career anywhere I go. I just want to be able to find a job--any job--when I get to a new place.

I have high hopes and magnificent dreams, but they are far away from my grasp at the moment. It's because I want an easy break into whatever I decide I want to do. And that's not going to happen unless you know someone who knows someone. And I don't think I do.

But I'm trying to make steady progress. I submitted two flash fictions to various journals yesterday. I'm not hopeful, but at least I'll get a few more rejection letters to add to the pile. Then if I get enough, maybe I'll stop screwing around and finish a novel. Doubtful though--I'm easily distracted by pretty faces.