The Art of Progress

“I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.” --Carl Sagan

Trying to live by these words, but I am also the type to scoff at "slow and steady wins the race." I'd rather risk running out of breath at the finish line and just get there already. I still haven't started to sort through all of my unnecessary material possessions--when I first started getting into a little Buddhism in college is when I should have given up the idea that material possessions make me happy. Except, many times, they do.

Happily, work is getting in the way of getting all of these things out of my life. I'm not necessarily getting better projects, but I am getting a larger amount of projects to keep me a busy little writer. And when I can spare a moment, I'm budgeting, researching and planning like mad to make sure I'm not going to get caught up in a dream without a plan.

Looking at Non-Fiction Writing Resources

I've been doing a little internet searching on non-fiction writing resources, but there are very few that are not  about teaching non-fiction reading/writing. Or, of course, websites offering nonfiction writing classes. I definitely took one of those in college. Gotta say -- didn't help, but it wasn't due to the curriculum. It was due to the professor not exactly being interested in teaching our class. She's also the one that told me I must have had a miserable childhood based on a writing exercise: this one, in fact.

I'm not exactly desperate for non-fiction writing resources since I have a backlog of Writer's Digest issues that clearly cover the subject. I was just curious about whether these tips and tricks existed online. If I find some good ones, I'll let you all know about it.

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Master of Arts Online

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of USC. All opinions are 100% mine.

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The Fun Stuff

I got started on packing today. Granted, 90% of my possessions are still in a box from my last move, but there were things still at my parents house of mine that they just can't wait to get rid of. Now they'll have a whole second walk in closet to fill up if they want to. And I have two bedroom closets and two halls closets to fill up in my apartment.

And I'm really excited about my new art project for decoration. I'm going to frame a bunch of old postcards that I got when we cleaned out my grandma's house and put those on the wall so no one has to look at my posters from high school and college any longer. I can't wait to get that started... all I need to do now is go and buy the frame... but I should probably wait to see how many more costs I incur when I call all of the utility companies tomorrow to get that stuff set up. Yikes... too much to do!

Bummed Beyond Belief

I just turned down an offer to move into an awesome apt. in NYC. It was the right size, the right location--even the right price. But $3000 up front for rent and other costs? If it's like that all over the city (which I was informed that it was) then I am screwed and a half. Sounds pretty much like my life anyway.

Even getting a job other than freelancing will not get me where I want to go by August. But I don't want to give up. Not yet. I can't. If I give up on this then I know I'll never be able to make any other wish come true. So I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. I needed a good cry (currently taking place) but I don't want to have to feel sorry for myself. I just want to get something that I want for once. Everyone else gets what they want... But I've been informed that I dream too big. For me, my dreams should only include a decent wage at a factory, living next to corn fields the rest of my life. But I thought I could have something better than that. I can't. Obviously I don't deserve as much as I think that I do. I can't be a writer. I don't have the talent, the time, or the effort to really put into it.

So I guess my parents were right. I wasted their money to go to school. I have a degree and I still can't get a job. I'll never hear the end of it. I see it in their eyes everyday when they walk into the room. I'm a biggest disappointment in their lives. And for that, I'm sorry.

All this... just because I don't have enough money to move. I hate life.

Just for starters, this is the funniest video I've found recently...



Funny, right?

So, I bought my cap and gown today... first off, ugly. But second: SCARY! What am I going to do with the rest of my life now that everyone thinks I'm actually capable of making decisions on my own? What? Are you CRAZY?? Nope, I don't wanna grow up. Unless it means a five bedroom house, husband yummy enough to model, and an unrestricted (and successful) writing career. Short of that, I'm going to continue to live inside my head... it's really pretty there.

Written on July 2, 2007

Babysitting hasn’t been the big chore that everyone has made it out to be. Then again, I do have good help and a decently behaved child to look after. It’s being home that’s getting me. Its’ not really home, you know? I’ve grown out of calling my parents’ house home. It’s sad, but I’m over it.
The more and more I watch Lois and Clark, the weirder dreams I keep having. I won’t go into detail, but they are things that I do not want my subconscious thinking about. My conscious will never forgive it. But it’s good that I finished season 2, because I’m ready and raring to go when I can get my hands on seasons 3 and 4.
I’ve been seriously thinking about going to Japan. I don’t think anyone else that’s heard about it thinks I can do it. They think that I won’t adjust to the culture shock and that I’ll run home at the first sign of tears longing for home. I think I’ve grown out of that stage in my life. For the first two years of college, I got extremely homesick the first week of classes, but no one knew it. But it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks unless I’m actually given a job, and we all know my wonderful track record with job interviews. I still try to think positive though. Just because I’m nearly broke with no job and one more semester of college left doesn’t mean my spirits are broken. I’ll get by, just like everyone else, somehow.
My plan is to have a plan by the end of the year. It shouldn’t be too hard. I’m exploring options. What I really feel like doing is taking a year to cover the United States and see everything. Only thing is, the USA is not like Europe. There’s no backpacking in this country. Public transportation is very localized and I don’t think I would be able to get everywhere that I wanted to see. I’ll share a secret. My secret ambition is to travel the United States taking nature photographs. The downside is if I couldn’t sell them then I couldn’t eat—or get anywhere. See? Plans. All I need are a few solid plans. Any suggestions for a girl with no money, no car—just a dream of being a big time something-or-other?

I'm itching to get out of the Midwest. I can't stand being here anymore. This is the one time that I wish I has finished school in four years. It's true that I only have a semester left, but I don't think it will be an enjoyable experience. The last four years haven't really been. Well, like everything, college has had its moments. I'm just stuck at the place in my life where everyone seems to be going to somewhere, or they are completely content to stay where they are. I'm in the middle of the spectrum. I want to get out of here, but I don't know how. I thought about teaching English in Japan. I thought about moving to LA just to see if anything could happen. I've even contemplated doing the same, only in Chicago or New York. There are no real promises of a great career anywhere I go. I just want to be able to find a job--any job--when I get to a new place.

I have high hopes and magnificent dreams, but they are far away from my grasp at the moment. It's because I want an easy break into whatever I decide I want to do. And that's not going to happen unless you know someone who knows someone. And I don't think I do.

But I'm trying to make steady progress. I submitted two flash fictions to various journals yesterday. I'm not hopeful, but at least I'll get a few more rejection letters to add to the pile. Then if I get enough, maybe I'll stop screwing around and finish a novel. Doubtful though--I'm easily distracted by pretty faces.