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Monday, February 02, 2015

Back to Reality

I know I've been absent from the blog. It doesn't have to do with lack of time or ideas to write about. I just couldn't bring myself to write a blog post without putting a negative spin on it. I don't feel like the world needs any more negativity, so instead of opening my mouth (technologically speaking) I just stayed quiet. Then I realized that if I'm being real and giving the world my experience on life as a writer, negativity will inevitably be a part of it. So advanced warning: this post is in no way uplifting. There. Let's continue.

You know how happy I was that I had the motivation and the determination to make 2015 great? That's not quite how I feel anymore. I turned right back into a realist once I hit the end of the first full work week in January. That's when work starts up again from its holiday slump, only it didn't come back this time. At least not enough of it came back to get myself where I need to be to start thinking of the future instead of wallowing in the present anxiety. The work I do have is more long term, which means I'll wait weeks or months instead of days for a payout. 

I also spent a lot of time contemplating one of those regular jobs again. Hey, time is something I have plenty of anyway. There are some writing related jobs that I know qualify for, but with weather and all of the other things that like to block my path, traveling for an interview could end up being a huge waste of time and money. Of course, I could just be using all of these excuses to hide the fact that I haven't put myself out there in a good long while and I'm just a little nervous to do it. As long as the listings are still up, I'll try to talk myself into taking a real chance.

And about those local jobs--you know what those are, and they give me a lot of anxiety just thinking about them. Customer service is not my forte. I feel like I'm belittled enough in my life without having to deal with it for part-time minimum wage.

That doesn't mean that any of this has stifled my creativity. That's still running a mile a minute. I have tons of ideas, but because the guilt set in again, I haven't strapped myself to the computer to finish them. Then again, I have a list of places to submit to this week including an application for a small writing grant. So at least I'll be keeping myself busy until I can find some answers. I'll probably be so busy trying to figure out a path that I'll forget I'm supposed to be angry and bitter about Valentine's Day. Sweet!

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