Back to Reality

I know I've been absent from the blog. It doesn't have to do with lack of time or ideas to write about. I just couldn't bring myself to write a blog post without putting a negative spin on it. I don't feel like the world needs any more negativity, so instead of opening my mouth (technologically speaking) I just stayed quiet. Then I realized that if I'm being real and giving the world my experience on life as a writer, negativity will inevitably be a part of it. So advanced warning: this post is in no way uplifting. There. Let's continue.

You know how happy I was that I had the motivation and the determination to make 2015 great? That's not quite how I feel anymore. I turned right back into a realist once I hit the end of the first full work week in January. That's when work starts up again from its holiday slump, only it didn't come back this time. At least not enough of it came back to get myself where I need to be to start thinking of the future instead of wallowing in the present anxiety. The work I do have is more long term, which means I'll wait weeks or months instead of days for a payout. 

I also spent a lot of time contemplating one of those regular jobs again. Hey, time is something I have plenty of anyway. There are some writing related jobs that I know qualify for, but with weather and all of the other things that like to block my path, traveling for an interview could end up being a huge waste of time and money. Of course, I could just be using all of these excuses to hide the fact that I haven't put myself out there in a good long while and I'm just a little nervous to do it. As long as the listings are still up, I'll try to talk myself into taking a real chance.

And about those local jobs--you know what those are, and they give me a lot of anxiety just thinking about them. Customer service is not my forte. I feel like I'm belittled enough in my life without having to deal with it for part-time minimum wage.

That doesn't mean that any of this has stifled my creativity. That's still running a mile a minute. I have tons of ideas, but because the guilt set in again, I haven't strapped myself to the computer to finish them. Then again, I have a list of places to submit to this week including an application for a small writing grant. So at least I'll be keeping myself busy until I can find some answers. I'll probably be so busy trying to figure out a path that I'll forget I'm supposed to be angry and bitter about Valentine's Day. Sweet!

Dream On

The week between Christmas and New Year's is usually where we all make a giant list of resolutions we'll never complete, right? I'm not doing that this year. Although goals are helpful, they don't need to start on January 1. I don't want to enter 2015 totally lost, so I did come up with a way to get motivated without getting caught up in making it into a traditional resolution.

Dream Board -- on the phone so I'll never be without it.

This is my dream board. A lot of people make these just to have a focal point to renew and re-energize themselves in that moment, that day or their whole purpose for life. Mine serves as a way to point me in the general direction I need to go to get where I want to be in 2015. I would like to note that these photos represent very broad ideas. For example, I have absolutely no reason to believe I will ever in my life win an Academy Award, but I do think that I can strive for more recognition for the hard work I do and create better work that is worthy of recognition.

This board will put everything back into focus. I don't want to write that $8 blog post because I think I'm worth more than that? Look at the board. I get frustrated because book sales are in a slump? Look at the board. I get angry because I need help and can't find the courage to ask for it? Look at the board. If it works well, I should be posting photos of my new city, my new job and anything else good that comes my way soon. Hope is not dead over here.

Dreams. They can come true.