Being Me is the Only Thing That Works

You may have noticed my slight absence from the blog. Let me update you on what's been going on around here.

Finding a job wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. At this point, the freelance writing landscape is so dry that I was looking for full time work instead of part time work. Though at this moment is doesn't matter--I don't have part time or full time employment. I'm not being super picky either. I put warehouse/factory work on the bottom of the list, but it was still an option until I found out that the one position I was interested in required using heavy machinery (not for me, thanks). I tried retail, and apparently they were all filled up, even after the great back to school exodus. I don't want to get into a commission only deal, which is 100% of the emails that CareerBuilder sends to me. Office work really hasn't panned out either. So... I'm back to the drawing board. A job will pop up eventually, but it's getting harder and harder to even bother in this location. I still believe relocation is the answer for me, even though it's probably not feasible.

To get my mind off of things and to get back into the business side of life (and get this blog rolling again), I started reading about different types of blog posts, what you should and shouldn't write about, etc. Then I realized that on the Don't list, I'm doing everything I shouldn't do. Some of the top Don'ts for professional blogs is starting off with a mention of a long absence (check), whining about your personal life (check) and then talking about your work-in-progress (check -- see below).

I felt utterly defeated until I realized that no one is policing my blog. If I want to whine, that's perfectly fine to do. If I want to tell my readers every little detail about a work-in-progress, I will. I have to be me, and I can't be anyone else. Even a professional version of me, if it just doesn't feel right. There's no point in using this only as a launchpad for shameless self-promotion if I don't already have an audience to talk to. And although I do feel sometimes it's necessary to discuss a current topic in the writing industry or give advice, I don't think it's appropriate for every post, especially if I have ignored my own advice (which, unfortunately, I do have a tendency to do). So, I'm going to keep doing what I do best, being open about what I want, mainly because I think new writers could get just as much or more out of reading my experiences that aren't about writing than the ones that are about writing.

Speaking of writing, not much has been going on. I thought that it would be much more liberating to spend less time writing for money and more time writing whatever I want to write, but when real world problems get in the way, I freeze. It goes way beyond writer's block. I could sit at the computer for an hour. Stare at a blank piece of paper for two hours. Then when I hit on an idea, I get it out in five minutes, then I'm frozen again. I'm trying to find more ways to get motivated instead of clamming up, but nothing much has worked so far. So it's all coming back to bite me. Even when I have plenty of time to write because I haven't got a job, I squander the writing time swimming in fear. So, for this week, it's off to find some coping mechanisms for all of this. I need take a step, whatever or wherever that happens to be.

Pulling Strands from a Cloud

I feel behind this week on just about everything. And it's only Monday! I'm sure I'll get everything done on time, but I can't help the feeling that my head is stuck in a cloud right now. I have plenty of ideas to start writing, however, the laborious trip from the brain to the paper (or Word document) is continuing to frustrate me. A boulder on the trail--the writer's block is further down the road, I guess.

Of course my cloud imagery goes perfectly with my newest published article, although these two clouds are totally different subjects. I'm starting to post more on the Yahoo Contributor Network, though it isn't as easy as Triond was. But it pays a little more, so I guess the two week waiting period between submission and publication is worth it. 

New Articles:
Five Cloud Computing Trends in 2013

Distractions

I have probably let distractions get the best of me over the past week. I did get the car back, working like new again but spent the equivalent of two new smartphones to have it all done. I decided not to give up on Nanowrimo like I wanted to last week, but as far as actually writing more, it's been tough. The worst part about it is that I'm not suffering from any sort of writer's block--every time I sit down to write, there are plenty of ideas sitting at my fingertips to take the story to the next level. It's getting my butt in the chair that is the hard part.

I'm also distracted by all the news. I have said before that I'm a certified news junkie, and it's true. I've been that way since I was 12 and even though I bowed out of the journalism program in college, the need to know is still there. With all of the conflict in the Middle East, I cannot take my eyes off of the TV. It also doesn't help that I tend to keep CNN or MSNBC on in the background while I work. It's these big stories that make me want to get back into journalism in some fashion, but that's unlikely to happen. So all this passion for news is and will continue to be a distraction. It's so easy to turn off the television, but it's nearly impossible to not open a new tab in Firefox to stay informed.

Drawing A Big Blank

I can't write. I can't do it. My mind is absolutely, utterly blank. ___________ 

Yeah, what writer hasn't felt that from time to time? On Sunday, I had one of the best writing days I've had in a long time, but yesterday and today--not so much. It seems to be the harder I try, the less that happens. I'm aware the process isn't magic, but it is pretty finicky. I have a habit of placing blame on other things, so here I go: other thoughts. It's those pesky worries about finances, moving, trying to find a way out of rut that makes the creativity fall by the wayside.

I may have a solution though. Meditation seems to work up to a point. This is the quickest way to get back into the groove, but getting out and getting away works as well, as long as I'm not feeling guilty wasting time or money to do it. I'm trying everything I can, but it may take awhile before I'm back to where I want to be.

Planning and Preparing

It's hit me again: that huge feeling of Wanderlust that comes around this time of the year. Usually, all I want to do is vacation in some exotic location. I've also been known to think I need to completely uproot my life in order to be successful at writing. This time, however, I'm a little more realistic. I really do need a vacation for the writing, but I know that a permanent move is just not necessary.

The reason I'm in need of a vacation is because everything that goes on the paper lately has been flat and stale. I'd rather have writer's block--at least then I wouldn't be wasting my time on something that's probably not worth revising. I also have a hankering to take photos of some place other than where I live. I want to get a little more exotic and urban with my photos. That's why I want to take a trip to D.C. and NYC. I want to go to D.C. to see the cherry trees in full bloom, and I'm still going to get to NYC at some point, so why not do it when I'm already on the east coast?

It may be tough to pull off. I get scared at everything and this would be a huge leap for me. But I realized that if I don't prove to myself that I have that tiny bit of courage I need to navigate a vacation without a panic attack, there's no way I can ever function in society. The other snag is that the cherry trees bloom in the beginning of April, so if I really want to push myself to have an adventure, I need to make my decisions and plans in the next two weeks. I'm taking a lot of time every night to psych myself up to do it.

One of these days soon I will be blogging from the train or the hotel room, my copy of On the Road on one side and my camera on the other. Let's hope, anyway.